"Scrambled Eggs and Dotted Swiss"
In the kitchen
Scrambling eggs
With anxious hands and
Hair falling from a rag of dotted swiss,
She looks up with broken eyes -
He cannot meet them,
Cannot meet her
So appallingly vulnerable -
He flees from the eggs shells and salt shakers
- From the eyes and dotted swiss.
2 comments:
Katie: I like it. But I want to know more. Where is this conflict coming from? This almost seems like a kind of climax scene. I feel like I need some more of it to grasp.
Great images, btw.
I like the repeated images. This feels like a piece of that Elizabeth Bishop sestina with the stove and the almanac.
I like "so appallingly vulnerable," but that section is in danger of being too abstractly emo.
Yeah, I agree with Nathan that there might be more here that needs to be said. I'd try some free writing and see if anything useful surfaces.
:)
Post a Comment